Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Mumbai Slice -- DSP Black !! black as Hell

Back to GOD-!-RA... We guys continued chugging in the same rate and pace, filling ourselves with fuel on the Royal weekends. Only thing was.. we had graduated from one Royalty another... Stags graduate to challenges you see. A little expensive and a lot better than the stag. Sometimes bacardi was the drink of choice, which was reserved only for the good times. The best part was, none of us were beer drinkers. All used to hog on early morning Biryani @ 3 and some good drink on the Rocks. After a few weekends one of us ... the more 'adventurous' kind, had an idea. "Why not go for DSP Black today ? " he interjected just as we gave the orders for the usual. Experimenters and a novice namely me! all agreed.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Lets Split the Bonus among us !

The story of King Bruce and the spider is not entirely unknown. Try try try till you succeed. I did not know the same applied to the stock markets as well. Its as if the markets are trying to head to the sky till nothing higher is possible... all in the name of prospects, and future earnings. I know most of the people who happen to read this blog, would criticize my ideas and question my credentials and its veracity, but then I still would maintain my stance kee yah! The recent thing going on in the market was TCS Bonus ... some say thats the reason for it to go high.

I dont quite understand how this market works. I heard my manager say ... TCS is rewarding the stake holders by giving them a Bonus. He also added for my knowledge... Stock Bonuses and Splits are ways to make the share holders happy. Rubbish! I remember this from my childhood days ... the days when a ONE rupee note was big money. Whenever I would pick up a rupee note from my fathers purse and play with it, he would be concerned, I would tear it. To save the pain of sticking it back with cello-tape, he would give me 2 50 paise coins and say ... " See now you have '2' money instead of '1' money". This would make me happy. This is the exact strategy with a stock split. Give the stock holders the same amount of money, decrease the value of the underlying security by factor of 2 and say " See ... more shares :)" and we like kids feel happy and raise the price of the stock to astronomical levels.(Read Cipla prices 2006 pre - split reached 700+ more than 1.5 times its current value even when the market was 8000 odd levels. Dont you readers think, it is just taking advantage of being in reach of the masses while you dilute your offering? Basically, for say X Rs. the total book value you own will be exactly same if it is 1 share (pre split) or 2 shares (post split).
Same is the case with a Bonus... I put in more capital into my company, at the same time increase the number of shares by giving you more shares of the company. Your net value per share has decreased, and the total number of shares have increased by an equal quantity all in all ... no gain. So why the ho-halla about Bonus? beats me!!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Perceptions....

26-Nov was surely a black day. But what followed was even more darker. The international community freaked out. Hotel Bookings canceled, Plans changed, investment put on hold. Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong, horribly! Even now(last week), when one of my boss's seniors' (ironically, of Indian Origin) was coming to India, he opted a hotel, which was totally inconspicuous, and away from the main business district. I pains me. Moving the clock, back in time, to Nov-Dec 08, again, I, with regret, remember the foreign leaders commenting about 'security situation' in India, The conglomerates and incorporates of the world, shouting their lungs out about the 'safety' of their people and more so, their investments. We had the FICCI and every other corporate body from India expressing 'concern'... and what not.

Then the biggest blow of them all, the movement of IPL out of India to a far flung place (when compared to this subcontinent). That too by our very own people. Just to show to the world the how concerned they were! The world hailed this move. Mr. Lalit Modi, please shove these tidbit in the vacuum of your head... WE HAD ELECTIONS, however unimportant the other 50% of India thinks it to be, IT IS A HUMONGOUS EXERCISE, not something which is some thing where people are more interested in who is dancing than who is involved, but to elect the leaders of tomorrow, for good or maybe for worse. This was a far more important issue than your $2 billion 'nautanki'. You being an Indian, moved the 'Indian' premiere league to South Africa, where Delhi and Mumbai played cricket... WHAT A SHAME. Ironically, the elections so far have been really safe and without any major untoward incident.

Where does this leave us? India 1 - Terror 1, does that mean this field is even? May be. May be not! I don't know. What I fail to understand, is what on earth was the world thinking? The so called safe economy, USA, had the worst of all the terror threat, September-11,that too in the heart of NY does that mean US is unsafe? going by the word of the "world", it is unsafe. Britain has a long standing strife with the IRA, does that make the UK unsafe? you bet!!! China may sure be 'safer' but does that mean it is human friendly? I do not know, but sure don't think so. South America has it sown set of problems, internal strife, Mafia, Communism, Dictatorship, Diseases, bad ecological record, name it you've got it. Russia, too is not untouched. Using your own deductions, I proved this world to be unsafe for you. So 'where on earth' will you do your business Mr. Capitalist? Antarctica?

Friday, January 30, 2009

Mumbai Slice -- Am I Disturbing you ? All over again

House Search started all over again. Small ones, bug ones , out of budget ones, short ones, tall ones, cool ones and not so cool ones ... all was being seen and either rejecting or getting rejected. I was finally brought to the same site which led me to the Kandivali(E) Thakur Cplx house. This was a site in TCS which displayed internal advertisements by employees of the company. After some searching, I short listed 3 houses. all stone throw distance literally!! from the office. The first try led me to this place in Cascade. The building bang opposite my office. 10th floor and well maintained, the building I mean. It was posh and the best thing, it was just crossing the road and I was in the office compound. That meant, no more thinking about food. The canteen was open 24 hrs for all 7 days a week. This was a blessing and a good one ofcourse.
I called the number displayed. The person who replied had a heavy Andhrite accent which incidentally the non-south Indians considered the "madrasi" accent. After some talking, I was invited for a check. I gratefully accepted. Oh I forgot to mention, there was another person with me. Manish Verma. This guy also wanted to have a home near the office as was tired of traveling from Powai to Borivali. I along with "vermaji" went to the house. What I saw was a welcome sight. 5 People staying in the 2 bedroom house. 2 in each bedroom and 1 in the hall. The guy in the Hall had complete control over the TV. The rooms were clean thanks to a visiting maid. The rule was, the guy who is the last to occupy the house will stay in the hall and wait for one of the other to leave then he would move in and the next guy will spend time in the hall. I kind of the liked the idea. The window of the hall opened to a good view of Borivali unless you looked directly under the falt which was a small slum. As most of you would know, you could not run away from the sight of a slum. This one below my nose, well, not practically, was more like the poor mans residence, from where the maids and the drivers of the richer occupants in the locality came from. So all in all a good Del at 2000 a head plus about another 1000 for the water, maid, gas and other things. For 3000 Rs in a palatial house, with a maid to clean and a canteen which would cook from me, there could be nothing else that I could ask for.
Manish was not amused, he dint want to be the 6th person in the house even after repeated coaxing that the other 2 guys would be vacating in about a month or so. But what I liked was a big hall for myself and a TV to top it. This was something I was not going to let go. I moved in, sans Manish. Life was good. I was near the office, friends near by, Food at the other end of the road, Ah! Wao ... time to chill out.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Mumbai Slice --Fellowship of Gokul Galaxy breaks

Just before the the fellowship of GOD -- RA group started. I had to unfortunately leave the Kandivili Thakure Cplx home. Sachchu had left following his father's sudden demise. He could not leave his mother and sister in Kanpur, alone, for long. So he opted for a transfer to Lucknow. This change kind of deprived me of a chatting companion. I still remembered those days when we used to sit n discuss everything under the sun. He was a very sharp chap and there was a lot to learn from him. We had some light moments as well. Once my other roomie-- Sandeep's ; friend and the friends girlfriend from Goa had visited us. It was early december '03 and Sachchu n I were getting along well. The best part was, we found someone who would not take our swearing seriously. I from MIT was used to such incessant swearing and he was a UP-ite. So most of the time our sentence would contain a couple of swears before arriving at the point. the presence of a girl in the house was something we had never expected or welcomed. It had made life into living hell for both of us. It was comical scene was to see Sachchu get out of the bathroom after a bath. He would first peep out for any sign of the girl being outside, look left -- look right then tip toe into the kitchen in his towel wrapped body before ramming shut the door to change into something decent. To make matters worse he had forgotten to take his soap n towel to the bathroom when both Sandeep and I were not in the house. Shy that he was, he had locked himself up in the bathroom for over an hour before we could come to his rescue. Even after coming out his peril did not end. He came out and shouted ... "Saale ... tu kahan gaya tha behn..." and there was lull ... then he looked around, got back his senses resumed his conversation; like ".. kahan BEHR (n he spelt as I have written) gaya tha ?" .
Back to May 2004, all the memories became just that. Memories. Sandeep was more of the serious kind and spoke less, at least to me. Not that we had some animosity between us, it was just a part of being sandeep for him. After Sachchu, Sandy got his other friend from BITS Pilani, Gaurav(not sure I remember his name) Khilnani (urf Khillu). Good chap, but his coming made me even more isolated in the house. Both being old friends started having late dinners in wayside dhabas and would return late after midnight. I was alone in the house. Then like a bolt from the blue, Sandy declared, that he was going to Nagpur (his native place) for a month. So was khillu. I was staying alone in the house for over a month. I was seriously bored to death. I was contemplating leaving the place to somewhere nearby my office, hence near my new found friends. Things were getting desperate. One fine day they returned, both of them on the same day. Sandeep says ... "Toh Kini ... I wanted to tell you something , We have landed ourselves a job in Baker Atlas and we are going. ". This was totally unexpected. I knew they were trying for some merchant-Navy jobs, but this was not anticipated at all. Sandeep told me he was giving me 1 month to find a new place to live. "I have informed the owner who will give me the money a week after you leave". "What?" I thought -- he has informed the owner as well ... "And You?" I interjected. "I will be leaving tomorrow". Another month of loneliness. It was driving me crazy. What was more disheartening was, I was to leave the house from which I started my Mumbai journey, that too in such a swift, unceremonious and lonely manner. Those warm weeknights, those washroom washing stints, those floor scrubbing and cleaning sessions all was going to vanish. I was going to start looking for a house all over again.

it was time to leave
501, B4, Gokul Galaxy
1234 CHS hsg society
Thakur Complex, Kandivili(E) -- A house I will never forget.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Mumbai Slice: -- GOD -!- RA

Life was well on its way in full throttle. Slog by the day and all through late night, enjoy weekends as a "Royal" stag (Pun Intended) . Come April enter Siva. Dark, Lean and a Burning .... cigarette. Fresh from Coimbatore (or was it pune) ILP. He and his other folks from ILP were a good addition to the junta on the floor. I was overloaded and Siva's coming was a blessing for me. Cool, hardworking and with loads of attitude. Siva was just what the doc ordered for the team -- that would be Kamal and I :), not the team we worked for . Taking one of the projects I owned naturally meant working late nights for Siva. Initially fretting, he soon underwent the training with ease and effortlessly slipped into the monotonous 11 AM to 2 AM routine. I kinda of liked the guys attitude towards life. He was a hard worker and his composure was something to envy about. I introduced Siva to Kamal and in no time we started spending our midnight maggi-time together. (Midnight maggi: Like college addas, we had our very own maggi hangout in the canteen. We used to stay late, and after 10.30 PM, office canteen would only provide juice, sandwich or maggi. Most of the late night owls, used to flock this place at about 1:00 AM for some midnight snack, a sutta and some good light hearted chat). All would order double maggi, egg burji and lots of tomoato sauce. Those were the times for bloating :)

Another character (yes and I mean that) who used to stay late night was Rohit GADE (spelt GAA-DEY, though most of the time Kam used to call him "Gaid"). He was another God of Coding, Java, Portal anything that ran on a PC. You could see him sitting in a dark, desolate corner of the northern end of the floor near the window. The corner seemed a perfect setting for a witches' den in a failry tale. A recluse, a coder par excellence, comparable, sometimes better than the Devil himself. Gade was a god of Jboss Potal or was it weblogic... duh!. All you could see him do, was look at a multi layout screen all day fixing hard to find defects or enjoying a ciggarette in the basement or at the shop. More on this chap later...

Finally a silent entrant into the group was Shubhra-- Dada. Silent, composed (on the crust) and a guy you would not want to mess with. The Most silent of the lot. Another comrade of the sutta party. This is probably how Siva, Kamal, Gade and Subhra started coming closer. I used to join them when they smoked, I was not a smoker but enjoyed the company. Thus formed the a developer to developer heart felt bond between us... to vent our frustrations we called ourselves GOD -- RA.

Good Offshore Developer --- Resource A$$ho**$ (GOD - RA)

None of us had even the remotest chance of going onsite because we were good developers (resources) hence the stress on offshore. This was a start to many more adventures, fun times and ofcourse lotsa booze.

Cheers ... hic.
:)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Mumbai Slice: -- Amitabh Bachchan is Scared, So frickin' What ?

I was in the office on Thurday and Friday, when the shootout in Mumbai was on. I was very disturbed and was wanting minute by minute coverage of what was happening in mumbai, naturally was watching the TV in the breakout room. Due to work pressures, I was not able to go to the break out room often and was forced to depend on the indiatimes website. What shocked me was, among disheartening news of Mumbai carnage, it ran a main story of Amitabh's blog. I read the excerpts what was displayed on the Indiatimes site, and since that moment I felt I was going to end my dependence on this site. Amitabh wrote what he felt, I respect that. But to glorify it is outright shameful. Every one in the country was feeling the rage against the terrorists and the site runs a story on how Amitabh is scared. Do I care? For one, I don't.
I have no problems about Amitabh writing in his blog, about him carrying a revolver and spending sleepless nights. So what, does he represent us? Are we reduced to petty people who have to be feel the same thing as what an Actor, someone who is just a REEL LIFE hero is feeling? Does any one write how Major Unnikrishnan, felt or what the police SI who got sprayed with Kasav's bullet would have felt? They could have thought about themselves let the country go to the dogs. Amitabh atleast had some place secure to sleep. The residents of Taj did not even have that. Next day out of habit I open the site again and there I read another cover story of Aamir khan saying... let us respond their bullets with a thousand roses. I dont agree... He does not feel the agony the people of Mumbai went through. He may just simply take refuge in Dubai or some other Arab country where he will have ample supporters and let OUR country suffer. How could he even think of this? What does he think? he is neo Gandhi? Gandhi was a great man, but remember he too did not approve of violence. And Indiatimes glorifying it was another shock. Who are these people to tell me what should I do? I have not given them the right to think for me. I know many have. I HAVE NOT. I believe that I will do what is right for the country and not for what is good to keep me alive. I am not saying I dont want to live. Just that if the heroes of Mumbai, had thought about themselves, the toll would have been higher and the terrorists would have made a scar which would not have healed for a long long time. Not that it will heal now,but atleast our heads are high and we are proud about we being Indians. I believe Aamir was doing just the opposite. Making the terrorists happy, so that they dont attack him, he stays pretty while the country suffers. Shame on you indiatimes. If Reel life actors have no sense atleast you should show some dignity.

जय हिंद. भारत माता की जय.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Mumbai Slice: -- An attack on my memories

Much is written and said about the attacks on Mumbai. I am about a 1000 kms away but, I felt the shrapnel right through my heart when I saw it. I have been writing mumbai slice for quite some time now. That shows how much the city is a part me and my my memories. A past which is wholly responsible for me being what I am. Good Bad ... I am not the one to contest. I could not continue my blog due to some time constraints. but the recent attacks have shook me hard. The city where I learnt to live was burning. This was an attack on my memories, my early youth. Leopold, any person who like a good drink or 2 in the warm nights of mumbai, have surely heard of Leopold and Mondegar. I used to frequent both places on weekends almost 2 years ago. We would most often deliberately miss the last train and then would take a walk ... drunk on the marine drive and sit in front of the Oberoi and watch the glittering cars in and out of the hotel, get chased by the police for loitering in the night. Walk back to the VT Station/ Churchgate and reach Dadar/ Borivili then back to the house. Not once did we miss the trip to the Gateway before our drink trip. we used to spend hours looking at the sea and sometimes ogle at the Taj and wishing to stay there one day.
When the news reporter was telling the names 1 by one, I felt the darned cowards shooting at my memories. Many people died, my heart felt condolences. I salute the army, Navy, NSG for their heroic deeds. I fall to the feet of Major Unni and the other NSG comando who died in the attack. I offer my flowers of gratitude to the police who, even if ill-equipped valiantly fought the terrorists. Finally I stand in 2 minute silence for all those who laid their lives to save others'. May God give you peace in your afterlife.
जय हिंद. भारत माता की जय.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Mumbai Slice -- Royal Stag ;-)

This is where it gets blurred... The dates. It was late friday evening friday some time in Feb, is all I remember. Kamal (Kam) was in the office, so was I. I had ramped up quite fast and become quite a valuable member of the team. I had hit a blind spot and was not able to fix a problem. I faintly remember, It was not something I had to deliver on Monday, but I was frustrated and was eager to get on with it. Kam the "savior" of projects was in the office as usual. It may be quite late... maybe 10-10.30? may be later. Kam saw me fretting. He came to me and inquired in his same emphatic tone.. "Kya kar raha hai be? " and all I could say then was give him a blank look. A seasoned code he was, he gauged my anxiety and frustration and asked me to move of my cubicle. An we together set on our regular floor beat :). This beat, we would have a chat with any hapless soul on the floor, in the process cheering them up or frustrating them further, in any case we would liven our spirits.

Back to our beat. We found ourselves disturbing the veteran of late nights Ayan Dasgupta. Ayan da, as we would call him, was in the Web-Methods team, and always wore a "I am watching a couple F***ing" look when he saw the PC. The concentration and ofcourse dedication has been a source of envy till date. But we sure loved bugging this chap. This time we reached him and probably the third line ... was ... "chalo! Daru pine chalte hain ... bahut din hue piya nahin". Man!! it was like an invitation from heaven on a platter of gold. Without batting an eyelid, Kam says "chalo... "

As usual, I was not asked, but was simply expected to join. I was in a fix. Before this I had only drunk twice, that too in a plush restaurant, and now they expect me to go drinking that too at night ???????? .... Without a choice, I went. I think it is a right time, to give you my drinking background. I had drunk only twice till then. Once, in my aunts place, with their knowledge, I had 2 gulp fulls of a clean, decent smelling, throat warming, tongue burning liquid, later came to be known as Bacardi White Rum. I expected to be drunk and fall on the floor (as there were no gutters in the house ;) as seen in the gutters and in movies, Social drinking was a concept unheard of). fortunately nothing of that sort happened, and I soon forgot about it. I had a couple of friends, telling me about the cheaper variants of liquor, like, Old Monk, Khajuraho beer, KBL beer, Old tavern, and the most expensive of them all, Mc Dowells' Signature and No.1. So my "daru" vocab was limited to these drinks. I did not drink in college, and the second time I had booze was on the New years eve of 2004. Here I was, going with a couple of self proclaimed 'tankis' to god knows where.

What came next was the shock of my life. I was on the Station road of Borivili(E), opposite MSRTC bus stand, bang in front of a bar, SANJOG. I can already hear applause n heightened hearbeats from a lot of people. This is the place we were supposed to sit? urgh!!! was my first reaction. A shady name, a dark smokey place, dim lit and very very noisy. No signs of sophistication at all. We went in and sat at a table nearest to the back door. The tables were clean, for such a place. 2 table cloths diagonal to each other. The top one was checkered maroon with some dry-oily curry marks and some ash.

The waiter came and Kam asks us: "Royal stag", a word beyond my vocab. Ayan nodded and I followed suit. Kam ordered Royal stag qtr. What came to the table was free ground-nuts, Papad and some carrots. When we sat munching, he got a small weird looking bottle of golden-yellow liquid and we all drank. For a person who had not many drinks, this was heaven. I had developed a taste of liquor on my first drink. I loved it neat. 2 more bottles followed. We chatted along... I discovered my "problem" when drinking the very same day. That problem in detail ... later(read ... withing the next 2-3 blogs). So we were all almost loaded with a quarter of Royal Stag each, some food and in addition, I loaded with the fear, I might fall in a ditch. We prepared to leave. I had a quick glance at my watch, I see it gleefully showing 2:30. Oh Shit was my reaction. We had over shot the hotel closing time by 1 hr (this was almost 5 years ago ... now I heard they close on time)!!! My companions are still in their last pegs and I was yet to start my last. I said ... "Chalo yaar, it is late we have over shot by an hour." I could hear my speech slurring by the affect of a heavy dose of alcohol. I felt a strange feeling in my body. This was almost 3-4 times more than the max amount I had drunk in the past. I could hear them, say.. "Shut the f*** up, there is still time". "Havent they seen the time? " I thought, and then just dint bother and went on with my drink. Ayan paid the bill, thats when I understood the condition of 1 pays all drink ... in a round robin fashion. We staggered back to our feet. I was swaying a bit. The other two as if they had drunk water were perfectly normal, or so i thought. Welcome to the drunkards club, I thought to myself.

I was about to move to the front door, I was escorted by Kam and Ayan to the back door. "what the..." back door exit ... ooh!
As we stepped out in a cool morning of mumbai at 3AM, the plain clothed guard saluted us. I thought, " my god ... what a city". I was walked out, I saw 3 police men standing there. I froze, All that I had drunk... evaporated in a jiffy and I dint know what to do. Kam asked me ... "what happened", I replied " Cops". He said ... "They are to secure the city by the Night. They are nice guys, they wont disturb us". Truly, we may have been the least of the Cops' worries. They simply ignored us. We slowly walked back towards our homes. As I walked back. I felt really good. I was seeing the city by the night. A splendid city indeed. I was drunk, in love with the city, and felt really good. I don't know, what in this city pulls people. I know for sure, live this city, You will fall in love with it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Mumbai Slice -- Boy meets Devil

Jan 2nd week.

Dont ask me the date. I do not remember. But this day almost set the course of my future. Some other people are there to shape your future. They even tend to shape what you are now, the way you think, the way you would respond to situations, even your habits. So why Boy meets Devil? well this is the day I met the first "fallen" Angel of my life. Why would I call him Devil? well he is no saint, n he is the Devil incarnate, or thats what he believes himself to be. Who is this? He is none other than Kamal "the Kam" Chandran.

If it was not that day, I might never have been close to this chap. I was a C / Unix person. Had never bothered to learn Java and now working on Servlets! Thats TCS for you! The philosophy? You dont know anything in a particular tech, go work on it, you will be forced to learn. Basically, you dont know swimming? go swim in rough seas. I was struggling on the piece of code given to me for fixing. This piece of shit ... I mean the piece of code, was written by some lead as a Six Sigma project of the Big boss of the client of TCS. The person was on a hurry to leave the company and left his estranged and sick baby with me. I was supposed to make this baby walk ! Fine. I am ready.I had no idea, what was in store for me. Request, Response, JDBC connections, Arraylists, Maps ..... pooh! and I thought, I dint know Java :)

I was grimacing, fretting and pulling my hair. It was about 2:00 AM and was thinking of going home. Out of somewhere, comes the devil ... and blurts out "Wht Aare Uu doin?" I raised my head up ... frankly... irritated at a sudden invasion of privacy. I saw a dark ... ultra slim chap, glasses with a no -nonsense expression . He oozed confidence and commanded respect. I could not help but whine about the project I was working on. He told me he was sitting in the office to study !!! Was he out of his mind? I thought. But that gave me a sliver of hope, Could I ask this guy to help me out of my perilous situation? The answer was... he was god sent for me. This guy a hardcore techie, a person who would rattle the working of a servlet and JDBC in a jiffy. Man! he was good. He goes through the code, every line was like walking on hot coal. He was scolding my login every line and I like a obedient student was wagging my head, understanding something and the rest bouncing over my head. But then he made the code work. It really worked!!! the baby really walked :)

Then came the sermon time. I dont remember every word, but then it has been etched into me. The essence of his lecture. I remember him talking about sincerity, devotion to work, to be the best techie around. He also talked about how the a person in his first 2-3 years should stay late, study to make himself indispensable. I must admit that 1 hour after the code worked, changed my life. whatever I am, is due to that 1 day. It was about 4 in the morning, when I left for the day. Tired but happy, content of learning something. Boy met devil, his teacher :)

Sunday, June 1, 2008

3 mistakes of my life

Mistake 1 : Reading Chetan Bhagat's -- Five point someone
Mistake 2 : Reading Chetan Bhagat's -- One night @ the call center (No lessons learnt aft Mistake 1)
Mistake 3 : Chetan Bhagat's -- 3 Mistakes of my life (Radhi is to be blamed for this)

Man! what a torture. Its like the writer is thinking of starting a restaurant... Why? do you ask ... well, firstly he has the same spices in his curry
3/4 disgruntled souls in India, a teen nymphet, coy, docile and ready to indulge at a drop of a hat. A senior chap ... some one who can do nothing but be a villain or a trouble creator. Lots of foul language, tankers full guilt and finally a dash of spice (Tank in 3 mistakes.., prof's house in 5 point..).

Dude! grow up. Everyone likes dal, once in a while, not everyday.

This Book, 3 Mistakes... is like watching a Hindi remake of an English movie, if you know what i mean, its like eating the well chewed chewing gum of 5 point.. , all over again!!! Same plot, different treatment.

Then there is a cricket, I know he wants make this book popular, but that does not mean he should write about a game which I am sure he has seen only on TV. Over 25 pages dedicated to cricket which does nothing whatsoever to take the story forward. Then there is parekhji who is always portrayed as mogambo in Mr. India. An Enraged crowd is bought especially when their loved ones are killed, is he MAD? What does he want to say? all hindus are fundamentalists? Shame. This is what we see in movies right ... just to draw in the crowds.

Then what does he wanna say ? Indian security is bogus? that any kid who has "TALENT" and some one who has a card can gain entry into the dressing room. Secondly you think cricketers are so helpful, that they arrange tickets and give Australian citizenship to someone who hit 3 sixes to an Injured bowler who has a not even made it to the national cricket team? Boo. Can you imagine? "Maths tuitions" going on for more than a year without Medical exam, Can you imagine the guys making out and never being caught, fine , not even when they had sex for the first time? hard to digest. I think Chetan keeps in mind, the bollywood audience and writes his book. Hoping one day (soon) it would be converted into a movie. The cost of the book ... 95 Rs, thats what makes it a best seller, cause none will buy this book second hand and the one who goes through the torture reading the book, becomes a hardcore sadist ... enough to Recommend the book and watch the fun ;-)

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mumbai Slice --- Bhaiyya.

Jan 2nd 2004 : Tragedy struck

5AM: My Roomie, Sachchu's mobile started ringing. It stopped abruptly, before he could retrieve who had called, it rang again. The ring was on a high volume, and it pierced the night's silence like a buthcer knife through meat.Gade was not in that room, why? I do not remember. I too woke up. He replied "hello? "

From the other side I could hear a terrified girls voice. The phone was not on maximum receiver volume, hence was not coherent. All I could hear was a girl crying and calling Bhiyya in every sentence she spoke. She was speaking in spasm like someone sobbing and did not know what to do. Sachhu says, "Doctor ko bulao, tum wahan kya kar rahi ho? Unko thoda paani do ... unko wahin kahin letne ko bolo... Arey mujhe kya phone kar rahi ho, doctor ko bulao... Theek hai ... do mintue mein phone karo" .... and throws the phone in the corner. I never felt so concerned for someone in my life. I slowly got up from my bed went to the place of the phone, fixed back the cover which had come off and then returned it and asked ... " kya hua yaar ... tension mein lag rahe ho?"

"Paapa yaar" .. "Kya hua ? " ... "Papa , meri behen ko chhodne aye the kanpur ki train ke liye .... aur unko wahin heart attack aa gaya, aur is bewakoof ne mujhe yahaan Mumbai mein phone kiya hai". " Main yaan pe kya kar sakta hun?" said a desperate Sachchu. I felt a chill run down my spine. I could almost feel the fear and helplessness of this lone girl in her teens would have felt, during these terrible times. My string of thought was again broken by the screaming phone.I knew i was not breathing. I was straining my ears trying to make sense out of the babel emanating from the other side. Finally after a few haan haan's i could see the "All is lost" expression in Sachhu's eyes. Something I dreaded to see.He placed the phone back and finally crumbled under the weight of the overwhelming grief. Gade had just arrived and was there to comfort him . I was busy going through the papers to check the flight timings to Varanasi where Sachchu's parents lived. Could not get any, found the nearest flight, Lucknow ... would leave in 10 mins, no point! My mind stopped working. The determined Gade took him to the airport and finally with great difficulty he got a Patna flight. The way ahead unclear.
On his return, he told me about his journey. After an hour and a half, he reached patna airport. From there he boarded a passenger train to Varanasi. This train halted at next 3 stations causing great anxiety to Sachchu. He in his desparation jumped on to a super fast Patna Fast which, he said, stopped at Varanasi. He reached at 5 in the evening and was running to the gate. He was intercepted by a TC, n asked for the ticket. Sachchu showed him the other train ticket and told him about his position, The TC like any other Indian, let Sachchu go without any more questions. Sachchu reached home at 6 and his Dad cremated at 7. A harrowing time for a guy who used to exclaim, "abhi toh main bachcha hun" .. Responsibility sure does come unexpected from unknown corners... Looking back, I can still very clearly remember, hearing the terrified calls of "bhaiyya" from that phone. The ringtone, the voice, the time of the day and the event... something I can never forget in my life.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Mumbai Slice -- Happy New year, a Culture Shock!

WARNING: Explicit content!

"Is baar kuch naya karna hai yaar New Year pe" said a colleague who also happened to be one of my training partners. New year 2004, Bidding adieu to 2003, my most successful year so far. He said he his friend from the army was also going to join him from Pune. So what would we do came the next question. We had no cash to go some expensive parties, not tat we were exposed to such parties. We had not girls with us, which means where ever stag entry was not allowed, we were not to go, Stag parties were expensive, and hence a strict no no. Finally by the time we discussed, it was about 6:00 in the evening on 31st of December and will still did not have a plan. So as always we decided to go and then check it out. We would meet at BimbisarNagar in Goregaon / Jogeshwari at 8:30. We met and then decided to go to Juhu, the most hep place which was nearest to Goegaon. We went to the Jogeshwari station and reached Andheri, took a walk all the way to Juhu. What a walk that was. A walk in heaven... "Babe Heaven" a perfect place for a horny bachelor. Plunging neckline, "raising the bar" on the Top, waistline, Looooooooooooowwwwwwwwww waist jeans ... phew.
Finally we reached Juhu at about 10:30. Juhu was more like a carnival. The Police as usual was working overtime to keep this high libido crowd in check. All in all a frolicking atmosphere. Had Ice Gola which I can say was the best I ever had till date and looking at the current location I stay in, it is the best I will have for a long long time. Sugar Cotton candy - floss, I must say, a treat for the light pocket. I must reiterate at the danger of you considering me repetitive, There were girls, girls, girls ... and MORE GIRLS. short ones, long ones, sweet ones, cute ones, horny ones, voluptuous ones, yummy ones, Behnji ones .... everyone, a feast of the keen eyed
I have studied in Manipal and seen quite a few people, quite a few incidents which can be classified from wacky to outright bizarre ... but believe me, nothing can prepare you for this. It is 12:00 mid night, there are fire crackers, people wishing everyone on the beach, music etc ... I felt out of place from all this , and strayed absent mindedly towards the parking lot. I saw quite a few cars wobbling, moving sideways, some slow, some fast. I dint venture close, for the fear of alarming the happy couples. But from the distance, I could see a girl barely legal ... hopping like a rabbit on this person. She could be passed to be any one you see on the road, someone you know, nothing different about her, yet she was there, on this hideous looking chap moving like a cork on water. This shook me. Staggering I came down back to the beach. I saw a woman, say in her thirties walking along the crowded beach with her husband and probably her sister. They were about to leave the beach, they had to cross a groups of ruffians, who fully utilized the chance the crowd had provided them. I was too far to prevent anything, not that I had any intent of fighting the guys, who looked tough. I would surely be beaten to pulp, so I would help the woman and her hapless husband to safety, I was late, they had crossed over, all I could hear was one of them saying ..." Maine dono ka dabaya" it was nauseating. Shaken I thought it was enough for that day, and asked my friend to leave that place and move to somewhere else. We finally decided to have our dinner at the local hotel in Jogeshwari.
Why is this part important? because, This is the first time I had RUM in my life, and the second I had drunk, first time I had drinks with friends. I loved the taste of RUM- Bacardi... This Army chap or rather the Airforce pilot was a pro on drinks... He made a drink which I could never replicate. I had Bacardi, with lemon, ICE (lots of it) and a green chilli which was dunked in lemon juice for 5 mins. I have tried to recreate this 'magic', many a times after this try, but could never do it. The taste ... was more like having chat ... Cold ice, drink bruning your throat, tangy taste of lime, and finally the tongue burns due to the chilly. Gives you a taste of heaven itself. I had over 150ml and felt nice. First time I was really on a high after drinking.
Well high hopes of "kuch naya karna " was dashed but, was i happy yes ... I was really "HAPPY" ;)

Mumbai Slice -- Are you kind of Married?

Now for the big revelation, I had joined TCS in Mumbai. The office : Suren Road , Banyan Park. Man! that was an office you would kill to be in. A resort in the middle of Andheri East. Flanked by The Landmark building, Eagle's flight Cine max Multiplex and The TOI office, this 23 acre forest area houses one of the best looking offices I have ever seen. IT also has a beautiful guest house and this place boasts of a wide range of flora and fauna. Not to mention a cottage like canteen with great food , a tennis court and a beautiful training room. I was supposed to be here for 1 month for the training, yummy.

Now for the Training part, the class was a mix bag ... a treat for a director who wanted a film on national Integration. All the South states were represented, so was Gujrat, MP , Delhi/Punjab, Haryana, Orissa, Bengal and of course the Home state of Mahrashta which was also amply represented. The majority infact came from a Mumbai engg college, Shah and Anchor.Some with prior(about 1 year) experience like myself and the rest from colleges from different parts of India. There were some memorable People. There was one Priyesh Parmar --> no ya! thaat eez not the waayyyy yah! n yeah! I am not talking about "ansoo" in this part. Chirag Sah --> from Vapi, who would always introduce himself as: Hello! ME, Myself Chirag sah from Vapi, which incidently felt like he had 3 souls trapped in him, he, himself and someone named chirag sah! There was some mallu lady, a beautiful girl, unfortunately married :) I think her name was Sangeeta (not sure though). Chomu from Bokharo (oblivious to the fact that Sangeeta was Married) --> forgot his real name. Then there was the Standard Laxmi chhaap FIRE CRACKER from Miranda House Delhi the one and only unique piece ... Anshu Gupta, she always made it a point to tell everyone that she had an imaginary husband from Bhatinda and 2 Kids. This never ever failed to break Priyesh's heart. Finally an Andhrite Srikiran Goli, I remember him for one act of nobility on the penultimate day of the training schedule. This guy never spoke more than 25 words during the entire Training of 30 days,but he was destined to make history! He stood up during the feedback session which was attended by the head of training Mumbai,held his UI training manual and said: "I have no Idea why this book was ever though of. It makes no sense and should be thrown to the dust bin", a comment which made us, the attendees squirm and the people on the dais were lost for words. Their wide eyes and open mouths were a sight for sore eyes. It took a looooong minute before they regained their composure and mumbled something and changed the Topic. Then there was Soumyakanta Sahu (Kaanta Laga ... Bhude wai!!! ), Phukkad, Naman Kuwadia ... a great joker someone who you could spend an evening n go home with a hearty laugh. Then there was the team I was in .. There was Janardhanan V (Jenny), a Punju BOSS DK I dont remember his name and there was Janardhan's friend from his locality.

This probably was the best time I had in TCS. Though my friends said that was not comparable to Trivandrum. Days passed with Priyesh being the butt of jokes on Anshu who in turn pulled Priyesh's leg by heralding that she was married and had 2 kids, which broke Priyesh's heart in a million pieces. Back to chomu ...why was he called Chomu? cause he said it was a code word for some slang which was used in his college so that girls did not know that the guys were hurling abuses.There was this incident of incidents. It was some afternoon and half the class was in the cafeteria I had no place to sit with my project team, hence was sitting with Goli, Priyesh,and Soumyakanta and then there was Sangeeta sitting with the us. I observed Chomu coming from far, with a confused look on his face and his heart pounding like a 10 tonne press. He comes close to us and asks Sangeeta "Are you some kind of married?", Chomu genuinely looked dejected! What was he thinking when he was asking this question? ... beats me! Sangeeta who was sipping on the soup dropped the spoon into the bowl and with an equally confused look on the face shot back, "what do you mean by SOME KIND OF"? Chomu went cold. He had no answer, eads of sweat on his forehead, he said, "I mean are you married?", Sangeeta smiled and said, "YES, unfortunately" Chomu's questions, a comment which will go on as one of the best ones in comment history! End of Training I was sent to Borivili GDC office.

Is this about me ?

Plagiarism ... @ its best. Flicked it from This Page


Your voice brightens up my soul
N I wish to hear it till I breathe no more…
Ur smile ignites a fire in my heart,
I wish it to light up d pyres of my rest…

For your love, I can wait till d end
Don’t u promise, still I will b together till then…

I think of u, with every dawn every day
And I m thinking of u, when to sleep, I lay….

U r there in every song that I play
N I can feel u in the words that I say…

My love, u may never ask, n I may never confess…
But ever in my eyes, you'll c d emotions in a mess…

I hope u would let me know, when u too feel d same,
Or v would end up in time, with a relation given no name…

Friday, April 18, 2008

yadda yadda !

Markets fallen and risen again ... any sense? I dont think so ... I fear harder times ahead ... Lord save my investments. Am I heavily invested ? nay not much ... but none the less makes me quite queasy.

Mumbai slice -- Ready Steady GO!

"Abbe andar aa na yaar!" was the irritated reply. Meet Sachchu, Gaurav Sachan. A cool looking chap, may be just passed college, wheatish, smart n fun loving, with his hindi I could guess this guy was a northie, with hindi as his mother tongue. "Main Gaurav, I am from IET Lucknow, aur tum?", "Main Vivek, MIT not Massachuttes" came a reply from me and I tried to give a nervous laugh which kinda made my roomie stare at me as if I was an exhibit in a zoo with a smelly cage. This kind of informal intro was quite soothing to my almost tensed nerves. After some customary niceties, I dropped my bags from my shoulders, which I did not realize till then were ...aching. I kind of made myself cozy in a corner in the main hall. After about 10 mins comes Gade, Sandeep Gade. Studious looking fair chap. Receding hairline did nothing to add any years to his young looks. He was probably as old as I was, may be less. More of a leader breed from BITS Pilani.
We had the usual hi hellos, now for the money part, I paid him 15 thousand and said I will pay him the rest in 2-3 days. I needed some cash to survive as well. He agreed.

The house? I can say nothing bad about it. I was my first house, which I ever stayed in all by myself! Independent. If I can, I might buy that house in the future. Sentimental? I sure am, about that place.

Okay, it was a single Bed room, White tiled house, a decent (empty may I add) kitchen and a spacious bedroom. "There would be a fight for bedroom so we thought of staying in the hall and use the bedroom as changing, luggage and sometimes for private conversation with the loved ones" ventured Gade with a sly grin. "Kitchen could be used as store room, for suitcases, bags etc". I was nodding like those dolls placed on the dashboard of a car. The toilets and bathrooms were clean .. very clean infact.

Rest of the day went in meeting their friends, Negi, Deepak, ruchi ( i think that was the name) and finally swetha ... another brain from BIT mesram. The food was the first morsel in solitude, well actually with the roomies and their friends. In a dhaba which gave yummy Aaloo Paratha + butter for 10 Bucks a piece. I still drool when I think about it. It became my daily hangout for the next 6 -7 months.

Now how do we sleep? That day we all slept on the floor.Next day Dad came and gave me some money and some clothes which I could not carry because of the weight also a new pair of black leather shoes for first day in the company.


"We have ordered mattress from the nearby mattress store, you could also order it". So I ordered a 6X4 Mattress with 7 Kg cotton, I expected a big fluffy mattress but what I got was quite the opposite a Goliath of a mattress which was just an inch or 2 thick. Yikes!!! It seems that the person who I gave the measurement was not skilled enough to know for 6X4 they needed 8-9 Kg cotton which could cost about 200Rs more, No way, I wouldnt pay more. so I settled for this ... extra large quilt of a mattress. By Monday I was happy as a lark, well settled and ready to take life into my hands. READY ... STEADY ... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Mumbai slice --- Am i disturbing you? PART2

After getting 3 more numbers from one of those guys I called , I got rejected by all the others, I had no other option, but call the 3 new numbers I had laid my hands on. One rejected ... and finally I had 2 numbers.
Both had this marketing pitch-> near to Borivili Office, Necessary items and mess near by and walking distance from Western Express highway, ample buses to Kandivili n Borivili Station.The only difference between them ? One was in Thakur complex and the other in Thakur village. People from Mumbai dont laugh at the thing I am going to say next. I dropped and thought that I will not call Thakur Village. why? who will go to a village in Mumbai :). I thought it was somewhere outside the city. Come to think of it how ignorant i was ... I finally called the guy whose address I had from Thakur complex and to my utter amazement he is ready to take me in.

But who will convince my mom ? She wants me to go check the place out and then decide (we were in Pune so I had the luxury to do that). Now papa n I were ready for the expedition. Not that I had any other option, but then what the heck ... mom said ... I had to abide. What was going through in my mind ? well ... to be frank, I have seen mumbai as a kid, the only think that struck me then were the cramped chawls and blank buildings almost in a crumbly state. I was expecting something like this. But then after reaching dadar and then taking a train to Kanidvili, we went to Thakur, n what I saw I can never forget. The feeling was better than sitting on a potty when you have had an urge to drop a shit n have not found a clean potty for hours. Believe me, it was a palace by my standards. I immediately agreed without seeing the interiors. Frankly I was scared, if I let go of this opportunity, my parents would send me to a PG with all snoopy uncle and aunty. I was not ready to go to a concentration camp AKA PG. So I give my new found roomies a call and finalize. I have to pay him 17000 Rs advance (51K in total for 3 of us) and 1700 Rent(5100 in total). Quite reasonable! Dad sees me happy does not day anything. All in all a satisfying day. Now what?

Nov14 2003 Mom had her customary sobbing and tears which are ever-ready to flow at the slightest instigation. Why? she was sending me to the war front or something like that. I was going to my karmabhoomi.

Bus Journey? was quite uneventful. Neeta volvo. As usual there wasa block near the sion - chembur road under the flyover (not that I could figure out then) n my anxiety rose. The only solace! Allah ke bande by Kailash kher from "Waisa bhi hota hai II" which was going to be released that week. Also, Dekh le from Mumnna bhai MBBS which was to be released later next week. I was quite anxious the entire journey and I was feeling like a girl going on her first date. Tense ? you bet! more like standing at the window waiting for her boyfriend to arrive. who was late! I was pestering my co passenger with a single question " are we there yet ?"who would have surely cursed me in under breath , but then I could not control. Finally as we neared Thakur .. he said with a satisfied and relieved look on his face, next Stop is where you get down. Yoohoo!! Honey I am home! I give my roomie a call, he says I am at a friends place, you proceed to the flat you will find your other roomie there.

Like little red robin hood in a Disney cartoon, I was galloping to the flat, About a Km from the place I got down from the bus. Tra lalla lalla lallaaaaa .... I reached Gokul Garden, 503. Knock knock ! "Darwaza khulla hai yaar" came a voice. I peeped in expecting to meet a senior looking chap, with just my head n peeking into the hall, i said, "Hi I am Vivek, Hope I am not DISTURBING you?"

Monday, March 24, 2008

Mumbai slice --- Am i disturbing you? PART1

MY son wont stay with those dhink-ching dhink-ching people. Mom pronounced her verdict. What is she talking about ? My stay in Mumbai of course. I was back to square one. Nowhere to go and dwindling opportunities.

Nov 12 2003 10 AM . I dont have a house yet. yikes! Now a girl, incidently a neighbour, whose face I had seen only thrice in my entire 2 years of stay in that flat (not that I was missing something) comes my place tells my mom she knows someone who stays 2 in a two BHK and wants a roomie. A glimmer of hope ? no way ... She continues... n says to me... You will really enjoy it. One of them is an assistant Director to Vikram bhat, Other one is a choreographer .... SATYANAASH, did you have to yapp now !!! Mommie dear goes berserk ... of course, waits for the helpful soul to leave. Then gives her decision, putting my wildly jumping heart back into the ribcage ... firmly. Another golden opportunity of enjoyment goes begging.

Ab kya karen ? A freak stroke of luck ... a friend of mine (Teju) calls. She says ... her friend ... who is in THAT company I am going to, knows someone who are looking for a roomie (confusing ain't it? Thats what was going through my head at that time). I asked who are they ? She says ... "I dont know that baba, I dont even know if it is a room or a PG". That was the time reality hit me ... like a football hitting a sleeping goalie, THUMP thud. Would it be senior people? brrr.. going home would feel like going to the teachers room in school. So will I be staying with one of those single tooth baldies. "Nah! wont be that bad" I consoled myself. Max, I would stay with a guy who was say about 5 years elder to me n someone who would not talk to me cuz I was the scum of the universe he had brought into the room and life would go on, not that I was dying to talk to those extra brainy people. Teju's friend was a GEM, I now had phone numbers and address of 5 people who wanted roomies. God Bless Teju and her friend.
Now for the tough part ... calling the guys ... Roomies anyone?

"Hello Sir, I have recently been placed in TCS and I am looking for a room, I got to know from a friend that you have place for a new roomie, could you please consider me joining you." does that feel similar to those credit card calls ? well you had to be so polite ... after all I was looking for a room ... in Mumbai.

NO NO NO NO ... I not have space ... someone commed and take yesterday, said a heavy oriya-bengali accented voice. Dude better buy that Rapidex English learning course, you need it, i thought, n i hung up saying thank you.

Mumbai Slice ... Part 1 - Standing alone.

Kripaya dhyaan den, Borivili ki dheemi local aaj platform kramank doh ke bajay platform kramaank theen se rawana hogi.


>yawn< Churchgate station 8:00 AM, 20 Oct 2003 Need to go to Andheri ..... I was standing there like boy being pushed into his classroom on the first day of his school life. This day was no different for me. My very first day in BBBBBBBBBBBBBOMBBBBBBBBAY well, Mumbai. Butterflies in my stomach, some of which I never knew existed,started their navratri garbha. People around me moving like a 1940s Dandi-march video. 2 people pushing and shoving into a train door enough for 5 people to simultaneously walk-in comfortably. Shoe wallas tapping their shoe boxes in rhythm adding to the clamour were the hawkers selling the world for a paltry sum of 10 Rs. A chugging local every mintue and the best of all the seat reservers


Mumbai, for me, a city of filth, a big gutter with gushing black thick liquid, sorry! ahem, the Mithi river, smelly groves, mosquitoes, and the smell of rotting hmmm ... cant categorize this smell sweat, shhhh*t, industry waste>yiltchk<. The stench, strong enough to kill all the butterflies within me let alone my stomach.

I was slowly coming to terms with getting into one of the Biggie Software cos of India. This was my first day. Reporting 10:30, in one its plush n' lush campuses for the joining formalities. Rest of the morning went in savouring the pleasurable sights smells (esp in the morning on both sides of the tracks) and sounds of this humongo-polis. They gimme a joining date of 15 Nov 2003. My slice of life called Mumbai Slice starts on the Day prior the 14th.